letters to broken heart

Dear You,

      Its been over a year since I drove off crying and you walked away. Back in highschool we could barely survive a week without each other, but here we are a year later. I guess I have a lot to say since that year, but nothing worth mentioning, really. Not a day has gone by without something reminding me of you. I keep forgetting to forget, I suppose. I don’t have any anger built up and the only sadness I feel is that hopeless feeling; we used to be so close and now we’re complete strangers. I think that’s sad, but I also understand that this is how it will be. I’ve come to terms with that. I don’t toss and turn at night, awake with the memories of you anymore. I don’t cry. I don’t dread our old anniversary. As the days go by I think of you less and less. I wonder a lot if I’ll ever finally forget you. I don’t think I will. But I’m okay with that. Its the only way I’ll prevent myself from making the same mistake twice. Please don’t take that as me saying you were a mistake, you weren’t a mistake and the time we spent together is time I’ll always cherish. The mistake was holding on for too long. Sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, it just doesn’t work. We spent so long trying to make it work that I think we began to resent each other, which led to the terrible things that happened. We just didn't know how to be apart. 

                                                                            Love, Me

Dear You,

        The memories, they surround me. Slither in my peaceful dreams and catch me around corners. They’re bittersweet, a heaven sent curse, really. Perhaps they constrain us to keep us from running too far from where we came from. They hold us back so we aren’t reckless. Restrict our freedom to protect us from more. They keep the beautiful alive and fresh in our minds, but with the fantastic comes the wicked as well. 

                                                                               Love, Me

Dear You,

         Strings of words and letters and lines. Circles and circles and circles delicately intertwined forming webs and spirals and shades of the most spectacular colors you’ve ever seen. Drips of water falling through the molecules of oxygen so tightly wound together. Explosions of lights contrasting against the dark sky. The sun beating down and warming your skin. Your favorite color and driving through all the green lights. The way these things warm your heart, that’s you.

                                                                               Love, Me

Dear You,

         I’m haunted by this thought that this is all a dream. When I wake up, it’ll be a year ago. Right after my heart shattered. I’ll have to relive it all. I’m terrified that none of this is real. I’m terrified I haven’t met you yet. I’m terrified that I won’t remember everything exactly the way it was so that I can make sure I’m led right back into your arms. 

  

                                                                              Love, Me

 Dear You,

        There’s a certainty in your step and a confidence in the breaths you take as you lay silently next to me asleep. The way your hand always finds mine. Your fingers linger as they slip in between mine. You grip tightly and I remember to breathe again. 

                                                                              Love, Me

Dear You,
  
        I’d give everything I posses to be with you. The way our body touched. The warmth of your chest on mine. I felt your tough arms, and kissed your shoulder. You kissed me on my forehead and told me you loved me. I swear, that was probably the best feeling I’ve ever felt. It felt so great knowing someone could possibly love me that much. I don't regret a single thing and I hope I will never have to regret it in the future. 

                                                       Love,Me


Dear You,

        The closer I get the tighter I grip. The hopelessness sinks back into my body. Slowly, it forces me to let go. I grip and grip and grip. Once I fall, there’s no turning back. Perhaps heartbreak in inevitable. Once I fall I’m destined to be broken. But, I guess there’s no use in holding on so tightly. If not by you, I’ll be broken by someone.

                                                        Love,Me                                                                               


Dear You,

        Sleep is impossible to find the night after I fall asleep in your arms. Its cold and empty. My body can feel the distance. It aches for you.

                                                         Love,Me
                                                                              



Dear You,

        It’s like a brick on my chest. Or weights on my shoulders. Like when you hold your breath for too long. Or the pressure on your lips when you have too much water in your mouth and someone makes you laugh but you just can’t spit it out. I know I go back and forth so much but that’s because I’m scared and I’m terrified and God, I just don’t want to admit it. I don’t want to admit to you that you have all of me. I don’t want to admit it to myself. It took so much time and courage and strength to pick up those pieces. And the pieces were so sharp, they cut so deep and I bled so much. It hurt. More than I’ll ever be able to put into words, he hurt me. Falling in love with you brings back all those fears. I can’t remember the good times or all of the bad times but the pain is there. I remember the dark nights and the tears and not being able to breathe. This isn’t about what I wanted it to be about anymore. Its just my mind is racing and my heart is beating so fast and God damn it, I think I’m in love.

                                                     Love,Me                                                                              



Dear You,

        I've spent countless nights laying awake praying that sleep would wash over my dreary eyes soon. Just when I though the tears would finally stop rolling down my cheeks, they kept pouring out, trying to wash my soul of the memories and pain. Blow after blow my heart cowered in fear of never being whole again. I was sure I’d be haunted for the rest of my life. Out of no where, the sun rose slowly. It was so bright I couldn't keep my eyes open. Once I closed them, the tears stopped and sleep came. I felt myself falling. Happiness has helped piece together my broken heart. All because of you.

                                                                                                                                        Love,Me

Dear You,

        Every time I see you, your smile gets brighter, your eyes more blue and I find myself more and more attracted to you. The little things, I swear its always the little things. The way you rub my back when I’m in pain. The way you play with my hands they way I like. The way you are always readjusting yourself while we sleep so that you’re as close as possible. I don’t even have to say a thing, you just do it. I’ve come to the realization that you feel it way before you say it.

                                                       Love,Me


Dear You,

       It took me a long time to get to where I am today. Everyday was, and continues to be, a process. I didn’t wake up one morning and suddenly feel better. In a lot of ways, I’m still broken. But I’m not fragile and I’m not weak. I can stand on my own. I’m not completely healed, and maybe I never really will be, but I’m a lot better than I was yesterday. It’s hard, moving on from heartbreak. I’m not really sure you ever completely move on either, I surely hope so, but I don’t know yet. All I can do is continue to be strong and keep myself happy. I’ll be even better tomorrow.

                                                        Love,Me